Every Name Is Punishment

The Story of Headmaster, Chapter 9

The Story of Headmaster is a serial appearing in each issue of Headmaster. From Boston to Zanzibar, the story has involved dramatic twists, turns, and at least two dream sequences. In Chapter 8, a screenplay written by Mark Blane, Headmaster finds himself at the Donna Summer Roller Disco organized by the city of Boston every June. There, he runs into an old lover named Oscar. For Chapter 9, Fado Bicha fill in the story of Oscar through a nine-part song cycle in English, Portuguese, and just a hint of German. Headmaster readers can exclusively listen to the nine tracks below.

Lyric: Lila Tiago
Music: Fado Bicha, Miguel Madeira
Track IV includes "Ich reiß' mir eine Wimper aus"
by Charles Amberg & Fred Raymond
Track V: Fado Bacalhau, music by José António da Silva
Portuguese Guitar: Fernanda Maciel
Production: Miguel Madeira
Photography: André Miguel aka Lisboeta Italiano (RIP XXX)

I.  Herói e trovador  (Hero and Troubadour)

A princípio, o som da rua abafou
O galope voraz que o meu peito soltou
E num jorro, tudo de uma vez
A tua pele, os cadernos 
As aulas de português 
E os teus olhos tão ternos Na banheira, os invernos

Agora eu diria tu aqui?, como estás? 
Tentando soar composto e audaz
Mas como o orgulho me dói 
Enquanto supero o torpor 
Deixo que sejas o herói 
Poeta, xamã ou tenor 
E eu serei o trovador

II. Summoning I

It's been so long
Since we have met
And I have set
Some things straight

But then again
Not straight at all
I must recall
How I got here

Where should I start
Maybe my birth
A story worth Of an ode

The odd one out
So bright and scary
Joseph, Mary
And in between

Some see a bore
A few abhor
While others adore
Let me show you the core
Of this walking
Living
Loud
Catastrophe

III. A suspeita (The Suspicion) 

Eis que o torpor deu lugar ao espanto Como é que alguém pode ter mudado tanto? 

Em quatro quadras de rima imperfeita
Urdiu-se, sorrateira, a suspeita 

IV. Horse of Troy 

There was a boy
One so very lonesome and coy
They told him that he was a boy
And it became his horse of Troy
To be a boy
To be a boy

And for the sake of clarity
I'm gonna go with him and he
You know the story's about me
And tends towards the utter glee
To be free
To be free

From a young age, his world was torn
He couldn't reckon what he'd been born
To be, it seemed like he had sworn
Some sacred pledge and he'd been warned
Cannot adorn
Cannot adorn

If only could he taste the breeze
And wane to be pair with the bees
And ants he chased with hands and knees
The realm of insects, that was his 
Boy at ease
Boy at ease

He learned to read before he spoke Buried his books under an oak
Unbeknown to him, his quirks stoke
The wrath of men and the pledge broke
It was god's stroke
It was god's stroke

He swallowed what was left of him
And forged a new core to the brim
To thicken skin and tighten each limb
Brave, patriotic, lose every whim
Just swim, boy
Just swim

He faked so good to keep the steer
He fooled himself to want a veer
And kicked the ball and drank the beer
And sought to become engineer 
Hold the sneer 
Hold the sneer 

But like the ants had been before
A makeshift world to flee the war
A banned vice came back to explore 
That put his body to uproar
Transfixed by men of age and hoar
Performing what he so called for
Manhood on which he felt ashore 
He craved the scent of his mentor
Oh, deplore 
Oh, deplore 

The last time he used this outlet
He was not gone for college yet
His uncle's briefs smelled of ball sweat
And the vile spell bayed to abet
Riddled with shame but oh so wet
Under his skin he hid the fret
And in such state of woes beset
I hoped college'd help me forget
Then we met
Then we met 

The engagement was a humbug
As was the coolness nearly smug
Every pore of me had a plug
Until you shook me with the tug
Of your hug
Of your hug

It took some time to realise
How the sheer bluntness of your sighs
Left me no doubt, played no disguise
And in your cum I stood baptized
What a prize
What a prize

And then I fled What could I have done?
I was so scared
As much as I was sprung 

I should be sown again
And lose my kin
Two knives in my head
One for joy, one for dread I took pilgrimage to Berlin

Ich reiß' mir eine Wimper aus Und stech' dich damit tot! Dann nehm' ich einen Lippenstift Und mach' dich damit rot! Und wenn du dann noch böse bist, Weiß ich nur einen Rat:
Ich bestelle mir ein Spiegelei Und bespritz' dich mit Spinat!
Du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du! Dann bestell' ich mir ein Spiegelei Und bespritz' dich mit Spinat!

V. Fado sem palavras (Fado Without Words)

A audiência enebriada
Percebendo que o relato
Prosseguia com crueza
Censurava acirrada
A minha falta de tato
E eu escondia a surpresa 

Na tua voz, não há remorso
Só bravura e lucidez
Que me põem cheio de medo 
De assumir o que não posso
Que sou menos do que vês  E tenho um coração azedo

Seja fuga ou eterna busca
Incapaz de articular
O agora e o passado
Entender-me assim assusta
E só consigo aguentar 
Por estar a cantar o fado

Será trauma de infância
Dúvida com que me deixas
Na dureza do caminho
Ou desprezo a abundância
No espelho, Cruzeiro Seixas
A matar o amor no ninho

VI. The Wars of Men

Oh, the wars of men
Oh, the wars of men

Shiny, spiky objects
On the noses of men, on the goals of men

Carrots dangling ahead
Carrots dangling ahead

And their moustaches dampen in the cold air of the morning
Dewed with saliva of raging axioms and greed sowing
And they possess what's in sight be it or not of their owning
All the dreams of women and their land and their names and their scolding
Leaving them and us nothing but mourning
In the cold air and dim light of the morning

Oh, the wars of men
Oh, the wars of men

We couldn't care
We didn't dare
The bars of Berlin were brewing the future
The childhood of queers was ours to nurture Like never before, like never before

But we were too big and too bright to behold
Sinful they cried

Too bold and godforbid dissident to withhold
All our pride
And the axe ever sharp of manhood took its toll
To deride
Our bodies
We cannot abide

Fire and brimstone
Fire and brimstone
Fire and brimstone
Fire and brimstone

Off I went again, orphaned forever
Constantly widowed, one love after another

VII. Summoning II

The roads of Europe were stacked with runaways and the smell of fuming corpses Evil spread like venom in a healthy leg and our fault is to never see how we endorse it

Naked in Lisbon, I howled from a balcony Stood strong and proud with Ary

Hiding in Kampala, discovering my motto I held hands with David Kato

Divine invited me over for a pie of guts and poo Or if only I knew

How to emulate the vision of Bowery
Conquer AIDS and his wits and his prower-y

Gisberta sang in my ear and not about absence I kissed her through the fence

I told La Veneno while on the phone to Adra
How her life and pearls were fodder

To the people, petty people

Took classes with Simone, both Beauvoir and Nina And they showed me the queen of

New York, what'd have you been without Marsha?
For sure uglier, for sure harsher
Back to Berlin, broken German, I got a house For me and my lover Klaus

And Amália came, and Dalida and Diana Ross
Mother, daughter and the holy boss

For in women we trust and –

VIII. A recusa  (The Refusal)

Óscar, Óscar, vou ter de te parar
A Diana Ross... fizeste-me lembrar
Todas as perseguições
Os patins, a droga na pele
O rapaz e os seus calções
Mais o dedo no cu dele
Perdão que te atropele

Mas a ousadia tem os seus limites
Há códigos a seguir, não te irrites
E não há causa a que abone
Mentira ou asneira
Na revista com o meu nome
Acaba-se esta doideira
E corro atrás da carteira 

IX. Every Name Is Punishment

They don't get it
That the world we dream of is as real as the one we fear

They don't get it
That the world we dream of is as real as the one we fear

They don't get it
That the world we dream of is as real as the one we fear

They don't get it
That the world we dream of is as real as the one we fear

Go on, go home
In the end
It's always me alone

Next time, call me by dissent
For every name is punishment

—